Updated: Jul 26, 2021
I have a quote I want to send you, but I know I probably shouldn’t.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” -Perks of Being a Wallflower.
It’s funny because a part of us KNOWS what we deserve, but we accept what we THINK we deserve. We accept and allow and go along with whatever our self-doubt tells us we deserve. Maybe it’s because of the way you’ve been treated before, what you’ve seen, or maybe even how you treated someone in the past, but something in your life has set the standard of what you THINK you deserve. What exactly is it you THINK you deserve? Whatever it is, I can already tell you that you’re wrong. You deserve more than the low standards you’ve drawn up in your head. You deserve more. But what do I deserve? More importantly what do I THINK I deserve? I’ve never put much thought into it. I mean, sure, there are images of what would make me happy, but deserve? I know I have a lot to give, but I guess we can base what I THINK I deserve based on what I’ve allowed. I’ve allowed too many people to get to know me without first proving to me they are worthy of that. They didn’t show me the personal support I KNOW I deserve, yet they stuck around here and there and eventually saw the me they didn’t deserve to see. So why do I accept it? Maybe because I’m scared to lose a good thing. Maybe because I see potential and don’t want to let go of that.
Here’s the worst part. I have finally found a great thing with all of the things I KNOW I deserve, but it’s not mine. You aren’t mine. It’s like I’m dreaming the best dream that is so vivid I can feel my own goose bumps. And you’re dreaming the same dream, and you know it’s a good dream, but then you wake up. You go on about your day, but we both know you secretly want to go back to sleep and dream the same dream again. Then I tell you that I can make this dream real. I explain every detail of how it would work, but you don’t believe in dreams becoming real. You know reality, and you’re comfortable there. So you say no. Because you know that it’s a good dream, but you also know this opens the door for your nightmares to become reality too. But what if I was there through every nightmare, and the good defeated the bad? Maybe I’m just too much of a dreamer, but if dropping the walls between our dreams and reality allows us to accept the love we KNOW we deserve, I think we just cracked the code to all of this bullshit. Now you just need to jump.